Chapter 3 – Phenomenon
So here I am casually reading the third chapter and I realise this is the chapter with the almost truck accident! I loved this chapter in Twilight, and I am actually completely down with LadyEd saving BeauBella! Awesome lady vampire saves cute boy! I want to read this!
Let me refresh my cup of tea before I continue…
You know what, Charlie is an absolute gem. He bought both his children matching trucks (which can’t have been cheap) and then woke up one morning to silently put chains on their wheels so they avoid a traffic accident. My mum used to laugh at me out of the window as I set off for school (walking) in the snow and rain. Charlie is a legend.
Aaaaaaand the next paragraph is BeauBella feeling bad, because looking after Charlie should be his job – oh wait no it is just that his mother is incapable. BeauBella if your mum was that bad you probably should have called Charlie years ago. Your mum being so rubbish freaks me out, why weren't social services involved in this tiny baby having to look after his mum?
Now, I haven’t reread Twilight in years. So, even though I probably read them about 100 times, I can’t remember the exact wording of this scene when it is Edward rescuing Bella. But if my memory is correct, this scene plays out pretty much identically to the one in Twilight. And this is a good thing, because I used to love the scene. It is completely believable (well, as believable as it was in the original books) that LadyEd saved BeauBella. I was a bit worried that BeauBella would disbelieve it more because LadyEd was a girl, than because the car was heavy, but that didn't happen. Phew.
Oh! It took me a while to notice that Tyler (the driver of the van) was now Taylor – let us all imagine that Taylor Swift was attempting to do us all a favour and wipe out BeauBella in the third chapter of the book.
Thanks for trying, Taylor.
‘Then a Doctor walked round the corner and my mouth fell open. She was young, she was blond [I’m gonna poke my annoying head up here and say shouldn’t blonde have an e?]…and she was more beautiful than any movie star I’d ever seen. Like someone sliced up Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe, took the best parts, then glued them together to form one goddess.’ I can tell that I just (finnnaaaallly) got round to watching the finale of Hannibal, because in my head I pictured that literally, and it wasn’t as pretty as the final result should probably have been. I mean these ladies are stunning
So I morphed these…
I can’t remember, did we know who Carlisle looked like? I want to know which 3 men to morph to get Carlisle!
‘She scowled at me, and I stared back, thoughts scattered by how beautiful she was’. Oh my goodness I remember reading this about Edward and being, just, so in love. Now I think I would just be terrified if my thoughts scattered just looking at someone. I mean, it still happens. Not because they are stunning but because I am awful at forced conversation in social situations.
‘That was the first night I dreamed about Edythe Cullen’. Ooo errrr what kind of dream was it? Is LadyEd going to be creepily watching you sleep? Tune in next time for another episode of the same bloody story we read 10 years ago...
So, the end of chapter 3.
I’ve got to say, I know Stephenie Meyer isn’t a fantastic writer. I know this. But I still feel like this chapter didn’t go too badly? Maybe it’s my suppressed past love of Twilight, masking some of the subtler issues in the writing. I do love the idea of this gangly streak of a teenager (I really have just mentally transferred my brother into this role, sorry Joseph) being rescued by an inexplicably angry superhuman. Like, she’s so annoyed at having to save him. I can almost feel my inner fan girl planning a spin off fanfiction…REIGN IT BACK CLAIR. Anyway, I enjoy BeauBella being the damsel in distress. I really wanted to write damson in distress there, but I realise that isn’t a thing. Is it a thing?
I have googled it, it IS a thing. Three things. Things being a lipstick shade, an alcoholic shot and the image below. May I present…BeauBella