Live blogging Life and Death: Chapter Nine

Can I write this before my takeaway arrives? We shall see!

Chapter Nine: Theory

I have a theory, it must be bunnies...

'"How old are you?" "Seventeen." ... "How long have you been seventeen?" "A while." ' I am having such a sense of de ja vu right now. Oh my goodness. I also caught myself with a cheesy grin on my face, and had to get up to do something because I was creeped out by the fact I felt like I was 18 again, reading Twilight and giggling to myself about the awkward car conversation. I keep giggling now, because BeauBella keeps stroking LadyEd's hand and thinking about how soft her skin is. Trolololol I need a slap.

'I held her gaze, my eyes getting trapped in her golden stare.' I don't know if I'm just really hungry, but this made me experience de ja vu again. Oh god I was so obsessed with Edward Cullen.

Aw bless, BeauBella just went in for a kiss and got totally rejected. :( Total second hand fictional character embarrassment happening here.

~MY TAKEAWAY JUST ARRIVED~

Oh my god if this joy of food is the same as the joy vampires feel drinking human bood...I would definitely be a bad guy. This black bean beef is SO good.

This chapter is over surprisingly quickly. Perhaps because so much is similar to Twilight? They have changed one thing - the final paragraph. No more is it the paragraph that is normally the Twilight blurb. About irreversibly falling in love. It is still about love, but a new version:

'There were only a few things I knew for sure. Fore one, Edythe was an actual vampire. For another, there was a part of her that saw me as food. But in the end, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that I loved her, more than I'd ever imagined it was possible to love anything. She was everything I  wanted, the only thing I would ever want.'

I remember the first time I read Twilight (and probably the times afterwards too) thinking this was WAY too quickly to fall in love. I've always loved romance in books, but I'm a bit of a cynic. I wish I believed in love at first sight, but I don't. These days, I don't know if I even believe in true love :P At eighteen, I definitely thought that love took time and that what Bella was feeling was just a hormone cocktail. I still agree :P

Life and Death Liveblogging: Chapter Seven and Eight

Nightmare

'I  plugged them [headphones] into my little CD player.' God Stephenie, no one uses CD players anymore!

'They were a little heavy for me' I love that this is Linkin Park he is talking about.

'I listened to the CD again...until, finally , I fell asleep.' As someone who needs silence to sleep, this impressed me.

'I was sitting in my room researching vampires. What was wrong with me?' Don't worry, BeauBella, we've all been there...I used to spend hours on the Twilight Lexicon website. I am definitely cringing at the memory of that.

'It didn't take too much effort to concentrate on my task for the day, a paper on Macbeth that was due on Wednesday.' This is why you're an odd character, BeauBella. Not because you are a bit of an outside, are clumsy or like classic literature. Because, on a weekend, you find this an easy task to concentrate on.

Apparently that was all for Chapter Seven...

Chapter Eight: Port Angeles

'The sales woman made it sound like all the details would be important to the girls'. They're talking about the flowers the guys give the girls at dances. Listen guys, if it's alive, the girls will like it. We don't follow the Victorian flower language anymore.

I'm at the part where Bella gets rescued from her would-be attackers. I'm not sure how this'll work with BeauBella, but I'm fairly certain one of the 'attackers' just implied he was a cop? I'm not sure how a seventeen year old could be mistaken for a cop, but then again the US police system sounds  a little dodgy so who knows. (By the way, I am in no way implying all American cops are dodge, it's just many reports recently haven't given them a good reputation).

'Hey, pig' a woman's voice called from behind me.' Is 'pig' a widespread insult for cops then? For some reason I thought it was a British one.

OH OK! The people he's walked past  are the people he knocked with his bag at the airport, when he was getting into Charlie's cop car! They've remembered him! I knew that random added snippet of information had to mean something.

They have a gun. Of course they do. What the fuck?! Over reaction much, couple who think a gangly seventeen year old is a police officer.

'Get in' a furious voice hissed.' YES go LadyEd! First time you've appeared in while! Thank goodness you are spending your free time stalking BeauBella.

'Keep your head down.' She ordered, and I heard the drivers door open.' OMG LadyEd is actually about to get out of the car and lose some shit on these people. I wish this would actually happen!

LadyEd looks 'super super pissed.' So would I if someone was about to steal my chicken nuggets.

'No.' My voice was still rough. I tried to clear my throat quickly.' I feel like in this situation fear should have made BeauBella's voice squeaky and high pitched.

'Her skin was so smooth.' Why are you noticing this before you notice the temperature?! Are you really used to hairy skin?!

'Unwillingly, I pulled my hand from hers. It felt like I'd been holding a bag of ice cubes.' Ok is this was what touching Edward felt like to Bella...?!?! It was never described as that cold (I don't think?) And Bella was pretty obsessed with having sex with Ed. Surely that would be like having sex with an ice lolly? Does BeauBella really want to get frostbite there?! Jesus these are not questions I asked myself when I was 18.

'It was strange how her silky voice sounded so...menacing.' I'm really noticing that SMeyer uses a lot of ellipses.

'The hell?' I agree, Jeremy.

AHA rather than give BeauBella her coat, LadyEd gives him her scarf?! I really hope its a flowery one.
Damn, it's not. It's Archie's.

They're in the restaurant. They're asking and answering questions. There is no point quoting, because it's so similar to the original. But LadyEd's answers seem a lot simpler and less cryptic than Edward's.

~I just ordered takeaway to get me through this~

'Try not to get caught up in antiquated gender roles.' You tell him LadyEd (BeauBella tried to pay for the food he had eaten...although he was the only one who ate, LadyEd is an immortal creature with a good sum of money. Jealous).

Oh and the chapter is over! I've only just ordered my takeaway! I might post another chapter if I can finish it before food :)

Life and Death Liveblogging: Chapter Six

Long time no see. I've been very busy/ tired and lazy from being busy, so this has been a bit delayed. But! I am here now!

Chapter Six - Scary Stories

If I remember rightly, this is the scene where Bella met Jacob, so I guess we're meeting Jacobina today! Except I bet her name is even worse than that because this gender bent universe is made up of parents who have no taste or consideration of their children becoming adults who have to live with their names,

'McKayla was animated again, putting a lot more faith in the weatherman than I thought he deserved.'  - I cant remember this tiny, insignificant fact but please tell me the weatherman was a woman in Twilight. EVERYTHING (except Charlie) must be gender bent.

I keep getting really confused about all these switched characters though. Just for clarification:
McKayla = Mike
Jeremy = Jessica
Logan = Lauren

'He [Logan] ran his hands through his slicked back, silver-blond hair.' - Ok who bought Draco?

 'He said my name with a sneer' I cant say I blame him, your name is ridiculous.

I can't type it all out, but I love the description of First Beach, and it's pretty accurate, too...

Look at the size of that tree!!!

'most of the guys wanted to head to the one shop in the village for food.'-  because boys always want more food. Girls never.

JULIE! Jacob is Julie! She avoided a horrific name!

'She looked fourteen, maybe fifteen.' I am cringing at how young she is. How young Jacob was. Oh god how young they all were. Why would anyone want to be an immortal 17 year old ooooooh jeeeeeez I am OLD.

'...long glossy black hair pulled back with a rubber band.' It wont stay glossy for long if you keep using rubber bands. GOD YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD.

'Her husky voiced dropped a little lower.' In my head, she's now growling.
'"Do you like scary storied Beau?"' Good, let me tell you one about a sparkling family of tormented teenagers.

Sadly, there isn't much to report from chapter 6. But that means I am going straight on to Chapter 7 :)

Life a Death Live Blogging: Chapter Five

Evening! (Or morning, or afternoon)

So I got a little carried away in the bath last night and read 3 chapters of Life and Death. Help, what if this is a spiral into the Twilight universe that I have to escape a second time? I was too tired (and warm) to be productive and write about any of the chapters, so I'll write up Chapter Five now!

Chapter Five - Blood Type

'Yesyesyesyes! I want to see LadyEd carry BeauBella!! I cannot wait to read this'- a quote taken directly from my brain last night.

'Patches of red formed on my face as I hurried to my seat.' That doesn't sound healthy.

'It wasn't until class was over that I noticed that McKayla wasn't sitting next to me like she usually did'. I'm sorry BeauBella, but this may be why you had no friends in Phoenix. How can you not notice someone isn't sat next to you for an entire lesson, even if you don't care too much about them?


'Would she ignore me like usual?' I don't think you can be too offended if she does, seeing as you just forgot about the existence of a perfectly normal human being for a whole lesson.

'I think I grunted in the right places' - I'm imagining an acapella group made up entirely of grunting teenage boys.

'Disappointment hit like a punch in the gut. There were only four people there' - you know, it must be so freaking annoying to be Jasper (or Jessamine) when this kind of thing happens. Not only are you holding yourself back from massacring the entire year group (tell me again why the Cullens risk every human life in the school so that they can blend in?), but, probably on a regular basis, random teenagers suddenly explode with emotion. Whether it's linked to you or not, if you are Jasper, you can feel it all. God damn. Or perhaps he enjoys himself by making experiences like this feel like a literal punch in the gut? How hilarious would it be to hear a kid say 'I'm so scared I'm going to piss myself'...and then have the power to actually make that happen. Mwahaha.

Don't worry BeauBella, LadyEd is there after all.

'Her dimples flashed as soon as she knew I'd seen her.' Ok, I get that dimples are cute but how do they flash? Also, not making her seem like a dangerous monster right now.

'She raised one hand and motioned with her index finger for me to join her.' Aha, I pretended to do this in the bath last night. I know it means that she beckoned, but in my head (and re-enactment) it looks stupid.

'As I stared, she winked.' I'm sorry but the image of this scary girl (with dimples) with her arm in the air, using once finger to beckon and then also winking, makes me laugh. I don't know why.

'"Does she mean you?" Jeremy asked.' I know right, Jeremy. There is nothing interesting about BeauBella. Apart from the fact he smells like a good meal and his boring thoughts are quieter than other peoples. THAT IS LITERALLY THE BASIS OF THE ATTRACTION.

'"Your friends are upset that I've stolen you." Suddenly I could feel all their eyes boring into my back.' That sounds incredibly painful :/

'"I always say too much when I'm talking to you, that's one of the problems."' LadyEd, you have said barely anything to him all book. I know it feels like you've been there a lot, because BeauBella is a little obsessed, but the majority of the time has been spent in his head, where he has been judging every person he has ever met - including you.

'Funny how my stomach was rolling. Was it because I was hungry after all?' Well you've only had a lemonade all day, I'm going to guess the answer is yes. Or maybe your instincts are telling you to RUN AWAY from the weird girl who doesn't eat, says she's dangerous and avoids sunlight.

'"I'm wondering what you are"'. I know we all know what she is, but if you suspected someone in your life was not a human, would you tell them that?! You aren't friends, you're a bit scared of them and you already for certain know that they are very strong. She's already told you she'd dangerous! This does not seem like the logical thing to say, is all I'm trying to express here.

'My neck got hot, and I assumed - unattractively blotchy.' So basically all your blood has rushed to the surface of your skin. This is like waving a bacon sandwich in front of a hungover Clair, and attaching a big flashing sign to it. I feel really sorry for LadyEd - perhaps she should just have bitten him here and ended the book?

'Her lips pouting out in a distracting way' all I can see reading some of the descriptions of LadyEd's facial movements is Robert Pattinson pulling ridiculous faces of disgust.

'"No, I'm not hungry." She smiled as if I was missing some inside joke.' SHE WANTS TO EAT YOU.

I like that in this book, when BeauBella starts to guess, LadyEd genuinely seems concerned he might get it right. But lets be honest, why the hell would someone think there was an actual vampire in the school? Such a ridiculous use of immortality.

'The incongruity of the word dangerous applied to her slim and perfect body.' One, she is wearing a lot of clothes, she may not be 'perfect'. Two, please don't put perfect and slim in the same sentence it freaks my sensitive ego out.

This is a really long chapter. I thought the blood typing and the lunch were separate. AAH.

So yeah, the coming scene was one of my favourite in the original book. I can't wait to see how it plays out here...

The teacher totally stabs McKayla with the prongs, making her bleed with completely zero consent gained.

One issue that instantly arises from BeauBella feeling faint, is that McKayla has to help him out of class. In Twilight, Mike had Bella leaning against him, and I bet that made him feel v manly and strong. Mckayla is obviously shorter than the tall (as we have been told many times) BeauBella, so it doesn't work as well.

'Please let me not vomit on her'.  AHAHA can you imagine?! I threw up on a work colleague's arm when he was taking an extremely drunken me home safely. The poor guy. Luckily, I cannot remember it.

'"I have a weak vasovagal system" I muttered. "It's just a neurally mediated syncope."' Says the boy who has obviously had to explain his none-manly phobia of blood for a while. Also, I have a slight medical training background and I do not know what the last three words mean.

'I wished I felt more normal so I can could appreciate that more - her body touching mine. I knew that under normal circumstances I would be enjoying this.' I bet you would,

'"Oh my" a male voice gasped.' Teeheehee

LadyEd stands a little away from BeauBella when he's in the medical room. 'Her eyes were bright, excited.' She wants to eat you!!!!!!!!

'"People can't smell blood" Edythe contradicted.' There are many people who would like to disagree with you about this. So many people.

'"It warms my cold heart to see you learning so quickly."' In which LadyEd is all of us.

'The smooth roll of her hips was just as hypnotic as her eyes.' I WISH THIS HAD BEEN USED TO DESCRIBE EDWARDS WALK OH MY GOD. Strut, Edward!


CARINE AND ERNEST. I can't remember if their names have already been mentioned (or even if I have already mentioned their names in this post - I wrote half of it 2 week ago) but CARINE AND ERNEST are Carlisle and Esme...

And this ends this chapter. Not quite as dramatic as I was hoping. I wanted LadyEd to sweep BeauBella off his feet,  but oh well!

Life and Death Liveblog: Chapter Four

Chapter 4 – Invitations

‘No one else followed her around the same way I did. It was pathetic, and kind of stalkerish.’ No no no BeauBella! It’s Edythe’s job to stalk you soon, don’t worry!

I’ve just noticed, apparently they have biology every day in this school. Is this a normal thing? Is it a science specialised high school?

‘Her dimples flashing’ – alert alert, LadyEd has dimples!

‘She must know how obsessed I was with her. It wasn’t like I was hiding it very well.’ Dude you haven’t spoken to the girl in 6 weeks, and then you had an angry two minute conversation. I’d say you are definitely hiding an obsession well.

‘Which made perfect sense, because obviously I wasn’t interesting.’ You got that right. It’s seeing this from a female perspective, looking at BeauBella’s life, that I realise how odd it is Edward went for Bella. Sure, she smelled great. But…that is not something to build a relationship on, especially with such a huge age difference. Both Bella and BeauBella are a little too bland.

‘Edythe was the opposite of boring.’ HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS. She has spoken to you maybe twice. Sure, she stopped a truck hitting you but even you aren’t sure if that happened. She’s mysteriously pissed off at you – weird, sure. But I don’t think the tiny amount of interactions you’ve had can classify her as the opposite of boring.

‘Her long, bronze-y hair.’ Bronze is a colour, so please stop saying bronze-y.

‘She stared up at me, seeming oblivious to the drizzling rain that was falling. She was apparently wearing no make-up at all – nothing smudged or ran. Of course, her face was that perfect naturally.’ I don’t know why this annoys me. Maybe because a 17 year old boy would not think this? Maybe because it doesn’t need to be said? Maybe because at 26 I still have a stereotypical teenage complexion (I THOUGHT I WAS MEANT TO GROW OUT OF ACNE) whilst also having the first signs of ageing?

‘I looked down at her rain washed face, clean and perfect.’ Ah yes, that is the first thing I think of when I see a face in the rain. How clean it is.

Another really short chapter. I don’t know if my live blogs are so short because I’m doing it wrong? I’m only really commenting on the things that are different to the original Twilight, which is not much at all, considering Bella now has a dick. Should I be commenting on everything, whether it was present in the original or not?

Life and Death Live Blog: Chapter Three

I seem to be on a roll, but this isn't going to last. It is the weekend, and my week is going to be chocabloc again. Enjoy this while it lasts. And please, feel free to post comments! I love comments! 

Chapter 3 – Phenomenon

So here I am casually reading the third chapter and I realise this is the chapter with the almost truck accident! I loved this chapter in Twilight, and I am actually completely down with LadyEd saving BeauBella! Awesome lady vampire saves cute boy! I want to read this!

Let me refresh my cup of tea before I continue…

~slurp~

You know what, Charlie is an absolute gem. He bought both his children matching trucks (which can’t have been cheap) and then woke up one morning to silently put chains on their wheels so they avoid a traffic accident. My mum used to laugh at me out of the window as I set off for school (walking) in the snow and rain. Charlie is a legend.

Aaaaaaand the next paragraph is BeauBella feeling bad, because looking after Charlie should be his job – oh wait no it is just that his mother is incapable. BeauBella if your mum was that bad you probably should have called Charlie years ago. Your mum being so rubbish freaks me out, why weren't social services involved in this tiny baby having to look after his mum?

Now, I haven’t reread Twilight in years. So, even though I probably read them about 100 times, I can’t remember the exact wording of this scene when it is Edward rescuing Bella. But if my memory is correct, this scene plays out pretty much identically to the one in Twilight. And this is a good thing, because I used to love the scene. It is completely believable (well, as believable as it was in the original books) that LadyEd saved BeauBella. I was a bit worried that BeauBella would disbelieve it more because LadyEd was a girl, than because the car was heavy, but that didn't happen. Phew.

Oh! It took me a while to notice that Tyler (the driver of the van) was now Taylor – let us all imagine that Taylor Swift was attempting to do us all a favour and wipe out BeauBella in the third chapter of the book.

Thanks for trying, Taylor.

‘Then a Doctor walked round the corner and my mouth fell open. She was young, she was blond [I’m gonna poke my annoying head up here and say shouldn’t blonde have an e?]…and she was more beautiful than any movie star I’d ever seen. Like someone sliced up Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe, took the best parts, then glued them together to form one goddess.’ I can tell that I just (finnnaaaallly) got round to watching the finale of Hannibal, because in my head I pictured that literally, and it wasn’t as pretty as the final result should probably have been. I mean these ladies are stunning

So I morphed these…

And got

Not bad.

I can’t remember, did we know who Carlisle looked like? I want to know which 3 men to morph to get Carlisle!

‘She scowled at me, and I stared back, thoughts scattered by how beautiful she was’. Oh my goodness I remember reading this about Edward and being, just, so in love. Now I think I would just be terrified if my thoughts scattered just looking at someone. I mean, it still happens. Not because they are stunning but because I am awful at forced conversation in social situations.

‘That was the first night I dreamed about Edythe Cullen’.  Ooo errrr what kind of dream was it? Is LadyEd going to be creepily watching you sleep? Tune in next time for another episode of the same bloody story we read 10 years ago...

So, the end of chapter 3.

I’ve got to say, I know Stephenie Meyer isn’t a fantastic writer. I know this. But I still feel like this chapter didn’t go too badly? Maybe it’s my suppressed past love of Twilight, masking some of the subtler issues in the writing. I do love the idea of this gangly streak of a teenager (I really have just mentally transferred my brother into this role, sorry Joseph) being rescued by an inexplicably angry superhuman. Like, she’s so annoyed at having to save him. I can almost feel my inner fan girl planning a spin off fanfiction…REIGN IT BACK CLAIR. Anyway, I enjoy BeauBella being the damsel in distress. I really wanted to write damson in distress there, but I realise that isn’t a thing. Is it a thing?

I have googled it, it IS a thing. Three things. Things being a lipstick shade, an alcoholic shot and the image below. May I present…BeauBella

Life and Death Live Blog Chapter One

Here it goes. I have never liveblogged anything before so please don’t be too mean about my writing quality. 

Before we even get to the story, we have a prelude from SMeyer herself. Smeyer talks about how fun it was to write this with a male lead rather than a female, and basically all the other stuff that has been mentioned in all the online articles about this release. In a nutshell, 5% of the changes were because Beau is a boy, 5% because his personality developed differently to Bella’s, 70% of the change was editing (I’m starting to feel like this is definitely going to be fanfiction I could have written), 10% is things she wished she had included, 5% mythology issues, and 5% ‘miscellaneous’. This whole thing seems miscellaneous, but never mind.

Preface – (the flashforward part).

First change spotted: ‘I stared across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and she looked pleasantly back at me’.

Already this doesn’t seem to work, but maybe that’s just because I reread Twilight about 8 zillion times. Is this going to be like de ja vu, but where things are slightly different? Groundhog Day?

Chapter One – First Sight

Lol guys so the main guy (we haven’t been officially introduced yet so lets call him Mr Protagonist) is wearing a Monty Python tee shirt (‘the one with the swallows and the coconut on’). Why is a teenage boy in 2005 wearing a Monty Python tee shirt? And why do we need to know about the coconut? AND HANG ON…he is calling Renee (oh shit I remembered her name) mom? Didn’t Bella have this odd ‘equals’ relationship where she called Renee by her name? Or was that just Charlie?

‘My mom says we look so much alike that I could use her for a shaving mirror’Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft. No mom would ever shame herself so bad as to say she looked like a male teenager going through puberty.

‘On me the pale blue is less youthful and more…unresolved’. Ok, I may be picking this up from the liveblog I read on tumblr earlier, but WHAT THE HELL does ‘unresolved’ mean? Like, are they pixelated, like when a computer image hasn’t loaded properly? And also…Mr Protagonist has blue eyes. I guess losing Bella’s gorgeous brown eyes doesn’t matter too much as there definitely can’t be an evil demon baby this time round (every cloud has a silver lining).

When Mr Protagonist talks about leaving his mom to ‘fend for herself’ seems a tad more sexist this time round. I don’t know if it’s worded differently to Twilight, but when Bella left her mom with Phil, it felt like she was just scatty. With her son implying he’s worried for her survival, but might be ok with her bloke, it doesn’t seem the same.

Mr Protagonist has arrived in Forks, and is met by his dad. His name is revealed…dun dun dun…Beau. We all knew this, obviously. But what is not obvious is why Smeyer chose a name that no one has been called since Edward died of Spanish Influenza.

Beau isn’t allowed to call his dad Charlie.

Somethingsomethingsomething…’It was about whether I was shirking my responsibility to look after her.’ 

WTF WHY IS A 17 YEAR OLD LOOKING AFTER HIS MOTHER WHY IS SHE SO INCAPABLE?

‘This was the reason Charlie’d never fought mom about custody, he knew she needed me.’

WHAT. I’m fairly certain your parents split up WHEN YOU WERE A BABY. WHAT KIND OF FATHER WOULD NOT SEEK CUSTODY WHEN THE MOTHER IS AS APPARENTLY INCAPABLE AS BEAU’S?!

Weird interaction with a man covered in tattoos and an angry lady…not sure on the point…except to show that Charlie is an intimidating cop? I’m going to have to make sure this isn’t foreshadowing something. Or perhaps Smeyer was trying to make Charlie seem more dominant that he was in Twilight?

But Twilight Charlie was the best…

HAHAHAHA BONNIE BLACK. I hope Jacob’s (Jacqueline’s? Jacie’s? Jacobannie’s?) mom is a pirate. Oh hang on wait…Billy Black used to go fishing with Bella and Charlie right? Well, apparently Bonnie AND her husband came along in Beaufort’s world. Guess a lady can’t fish with a cop without a chaperone…

In this version, it seems like Beau was actively bullied at school, until his growth spurt. He apparently also is not ‘like other guys’, in that he appears to have no interests whatsoever. Also, he spent his spare time snaking drains, and I have no idea what this is. Climbing in drains like a snake? Is it a euphemism? What for?!

But he is pale, and had no friends. So far so Bella.

The only person he was friends with was his mom…what a nice guy.

Ok I think maybe I missed something. Has literally every character in this book been gender bent? Except Charlie? I thought it was only going to be the main characters, but even the receptionist is a male now, and he was definitely a lady before.

Hahahaha Beaufort is such a crap name. Sorry if this is your name.

I SPY EDWARDINAS SILVER VOLVO. I very nearly typed Vulva there. Argh please no.

‘I pulled my hood down over my face’ – yes because that will keep you anonymous, and wont at all make you look like a 2005 era emo. I think Bella does this too? Oh well. Still made me giggle. I’m imaging my little brother (who is by the way a scarily tall, gangly and popular 17 year old shoot me - how did I ever think Edward Cullen was cool) doing this and it’s like when he’s sulking or being forced to take the rubbish out.

OMG Eric is now a skinny girl with skin problems. When Smeyer mentioned she’d cut two characters out entirely, I think I thought Eric would be one of them. Oh and she’s called Erica. Smooth.

‘They didn’t look anything alike. There were three girls…’ Oh lets guess them.

Number one: ‘super tall’, ‘legs that went on forever’, ‘dark curly hair’ – SHE EMMETT. SHEMMETT – did I steal this from the other liveblog? Whatever. It works.

Number two: ‘hair the colour of honey’, ‘something intense about her, edgy.’Random Segway about an actress in a film cutting people with a machete (Uma Thurman?). Jasper! Jas…her? Jasher!

Number three: Of course, we all know who this is going to be. She’s smaller (even though Edward was basically as tall as the other two, right?) because no one wants a girl who’s as tall as the guy. Her hair is ‘a bronze-y colour’ (so, bronze…).

Rosa-he has a man bun, which of course, I quote, doesn’t make him look feminine but ‘somehow makes him look more like a man’. MOVE TO LONDON AND TELL ME ALL THESE GUYS WHO HAVE DUMB MAN BUNS LOOK MANLY. Why couldn’t Rosa-he have an amazing beard or something.

‘He was clearly too cool for this school’ – lol jealous BeauBella?

WTF Malice’s only description is that he is wirey and has a buzz cut. Let down. Although the description of him having a ‘quick, graceful lope’ does make me laugh.

DAMN ALL MY NAME PREDICTIONS WERE WRONG

Edward we all know is Edythe. Emmett = Eleanor. Alice = Archie. Jasper = Jessamine. Rosalie = Royal.

The little paragraph here about their names being weird doesn’t really fit this version because YO BEAUFORT. Jessica has become Jeremy why has that happened? I swear Jeremy is pretty old fashioned too? Maybe not as old, but still not exactly the male equivalent of Jessica.

‘The doctor and her husband’ YES CARLISLE IS A SHE! Although for a second I imagined Esme as a doctor and I loved it.

The scene when they first meet in biology is exactly the same, exact for the obvious changes…plus…

‘I had been spelling her name wrongly in my head. It was Edythe, not Edith. It fit her better’. WTF why?

Mike is McKayla. I didn’t think it was spelt that way unless it was a surname, so I’ve learnt something today. Shall I stop updating on name changes?

URGH FINISHED. I need to reread Twilight…I don’t remember it being such a drag. I liked reading Twilight. Have I really grown up that much?

A disclaimer before I begin

This weekend I am going to liveblog my reading of Life and Death, the new gender bent (and apparently awful) retelling of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. Before I started, I wanted to make sure people knew that...

I don't hate Twilight. I may mock it, be a little ashamed to be rereading it, and I may cringe many times at it over the next few weeks but once upon a time I was Twilight obsessed. I went to release parties for the final book, I went to fan conventions for the films (and met a lot of the lovely cast, who I now feel quite sorry for, in hindsight) and have signed copies of the first 3 books in the series. Only the first 3, because after Breaking Dawn was released I lost a large amount of my love for the series. It's not really worth talking about why, because if you've read it you probably understand.

So, yes, I loved Twilight. And things changed. I look back on that part of my life a little bit ashamed. I certainly don't often admit I went to fan events for it. But that isn't to say some good things didn't come out of Twilight for me.

• I had been in a rather large reading slump, probably the second one of my life ever (I was 18). The first one was beaten through discovering Cate Tiernan and Holly Black. This one was broken by Twilight, and my renewed confidence in the YA section of my local Waterstones. 

• It was my first introduction to online fan culture...and this probably explains why I became such a hardcore fan girl. I don't think I would have been nearly so obsessed if there wasn't so much conversation and extra material available online.

• I have friends, who I had never seen read for pleasure, that  I introduced the book to (through pure peer pressure) who went on to become bookworms, with bookshelves to rival my own.

• I met some amazing people. These girls all know who they are. A group of us started a conversation on a Twilight facebook group (remember how good facebook groups used to be for this type of thing?) and then created our own group chat. That was in (I'm guessing) March...2008? The chat lives on, and the majority of us are still friends. One of the girls now lives minutes down the road from me (in London terms), and I have friends who live in Canada, the US and France who I would not have had if not for this group...and therefore Twilight. It's because of these ladies that I am even contemplating this liveblogging...so I am going to dedicate it to them! I'm sure if no one else finds it entertaining, they at least will!

So for me, although it is a cringy awkward remnant of my teenage self, Twilight is not all bad. Life and Death, however, is promising to be a truely horrific ride.

I'll keep you all posted.

Life and Death

I have done something I am not too proud of.
I have bought Life and Death.
On my kindle, so that no one has to know what I am reading, but still.
There is a reason, and I am hoping it works out.

I plan on live blogging my reading of Life and Death, the new gender bent version of Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, here on my blog (and on my tumblr page, Lyrasdaemons).

Wish me luck